It is scary to voice your
boundaries
needs
desires
For some reason, the thought of coming out and saying exactly what I want or need scares the hell out of me. Not in a jumpy, jittery sort of way. It’s as if a fist is tightening its grip around my heart, constricting my voice when I open my mouth with the intention of being fully honest. I shut down, my mind starts spiraling the situation out of control until I find myself angry and frustrated.
More often than not, voicing what I need yields to positive results - first, there is the relief of a burden being lifted from my shoulders - the fist around my heart loosens its grip. And even if I don’t get what I want/need, I have honored myself. I have opened a dialogue with my friend/partner/loved one about how they can better show up for ME. Their response is simply information about our relationship. Of course, some information will hurt, some will bring me happiness - that is just the nature of life.
I think that’s what is scary - Asking for and accepting help is not something that comes naturally to me. Individualistic culture has made it a burden to communicate what we need from other people. And we do need stuff from other people. Humans are social creatures, we rely on each other for survival - so why does it feel so icky?
Perhaps its a fear of rejection or judgement. More often, I think its a hesitation to express vulnerability. Sharing our desires and boundaries opens the door to a more intimate version of ourselves. It gives people information they can use to harm us. And in a society where we are constantly pitted against each other, it is only natural that we would hold these cards close to our chest.
This does have consequences - The most notable I’ve seen is that we, as a general populace, are not equipped to handle each other’s vulnerability with care and responsibility. Personally, when someone expresses a need or desire to me, I am gripped by an urge to ‘fix’ whatever is causing them to need something. Sounds so ridiculous as I type it out lol.
how do you react when someone communicates their boundaries, desires or needs? how do you feel communicating your own?
